Returning to normal
I had a good friend tell me that what I was feeling sounded normal to her. I would never compare the loss of my Mother to loss of her Son and what she felt but at the same time, I think some of the feelings may be similar. I think as our parents get older we expect that they will eventually pass on but as a Mother, you never "expect" your child to die. I couldn't imagine. So I could never compare our losses but she sure has helped me a lot and I appreciate that.
I remember reading about the loss of her son and another's friends son on their blogs and I of course could not relate to their feelings but now as I look back, I can relate to some of things they said...in a lesser degree. I mean returning to normal is hard. I never imagined going to work would be so hard. Or even going to the grocery store. For nearly 7 days I was with my 9 siblings and my Dad. We were all glued together. Talking about Mom and other silly stuff, crying, hugging and praying. To leave them each day, nearly killed me. We did stuff around Dad's house, ate together, worked in his garden, sat by his garden, looked after him and looked after each other. I know Mom was happy to see all her kids and grandkids together. She loved us all coming around. I have seperation anxiety now. Nothing seems right.
I can sit at my desk at work and I will realize that Mom is no longer there. I burst into tears. I think of how sad Dad must be and I burst into tears. I want to help him and be by his side but fear he needs time alone. I don't know what to do for him.
We had a family reunion for Dad's side of the family this Saturday. Everyone wanted to cancel but we said no. Mom loved the family reunions. So we went. Our family sat in one corner while the others mingled and tried to approach us. We realized we had no table cloth for our picnic tables...Mom always brought them. I'm sure she was looking down thinking, "Those kids, I'm gone for one week and it all falls apart.". We'll do better next year Mom, I promise!
As we were leaving I was holding JD and my one aunt gave me hug and said to call if I need anything. JD reached for her face, cupped it in his hands and hugged her. Then he said, "I want to see Grandma.", yes baby boy, so do I.
I remember reading about the loss of her son and another's friends son on their blogs and I of course could not relate to their feelings but now as I look back, I can relate to some of things they said...in a lesser degree. I mean returning to normal is hard. I never imagined going to work would be so hard. Or even going to the grocery store. For nearly 7 days I was with my 9 siblings and my Dad. We were all glued together. Talking about Mom and other silly stuff, crying, hugging and praying. To leave them each day, nearly killed me. We did stuff around Dad's house, ate together, worked in his garden, sat by his garden, looked after him and looked after each other. I know Mom was happy to see all her kids and grandkids together. She loved us all coming around. I have seperation anxiety now. Nothing seems right.
I can sit at my desk at work and I will realize that Mom is no longer there. I burst into tears. I think of how sad Dad must be and I burst into tears. I want to help him and be by his side but fear he needs time alone. I don't know what to do for him.
We had a family reunion for Dad's side of the family this Saturday. Everyone wanted to cancel but we said no. Mom loved the family reunions. So we went. Our family sat in one corner while the others mingled and tried to approach us. We realized we had no table cloth for our picnic tables...Mom always brought them. I'm sure she was looking down thinking, "Those kids, I'm gone for one week and it all falls apart.". We'll do better next year Mom, I promise!
As we were leaving I was holding JD and my one aunt gave me hug and said to call if I need anything. JD reached for her face, cupped it in his hands and hugged her. Then he said, "I want to see Grandma.", yes baby boy, so do I.
posted by Momma Jen at 12:46 PM
1 Comments:
Oh, Jelly, your boy is so sweet. It does get easier. I have to say, though, that we still don't have the same good time at family get togethers since my grandmother passed - and that was 20 years ago.
Don't get me wrong, we still have fun together (most of the time) it's just different.
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