I'm not alone
This past week has been a tough one, lots of potential bad news.
Some days I truly forget I'm pregnant. I mean I'm growing but not as big as some women (the belly that is) and the sickness has decreased from daily to 2-3 times a week. I don't feel MJ moving a lot, I feel small taps but they are so low down I am not sure if it really is him. I also think I am in denial. I can't wait to meet MJ but I have such a long time to go that I fear something will take him away from me. Pathetic, I know.
Thursday I was at my bi-annual eye appt...pressure check, nerve check and visual field test. Well as the doc was telling me I had some nerve damage in my right eye I got a bit freaked, but then I felt those ever so small taps within my tummy. It was like MJ was telling me, "Mama, it's okay you are not alone, I'm here with you. It will be okay.". I was then able to hear the doctor say, "there is no need for alarm right now, we will just continue to monitor this". My sweet boy helped me feel safe and calm.
Sunday night I had to take my dad to the ER for chest pains. I was praying it was his gal bladder but when they admitted him and told us that "his blood shows cardiac enzymes and the ekg is irregular, so he had a heart attack" I expected myself to fall apart. I didn't though. MJ was there, softly tapping away at my tummy. Once again, I knew I was not alone and my little boy would help me through this.
Later that night I took Jonathan to my bed and I held him. I told him we needed to pray for our friend Kristin's little babies in her tummy, we wanted them strong and healthy for her. We also asked God to watch over Papa K and protect his heart. We need him to be heathy so he can meet MJ too! We also asked God to watch over Papa F because he has an aortic anureysm that has grown and more than likely need surgery. As we finished our prayers and JD snuggled into me, I felt the little tap tap tap but on the left side, not the right side. MJ wanted to be close to his brother as well. The 3 of us lay snuggled together and peaceful.
I realized that I can't control so many things, but it's okay because I am NOT alone! Rather it be that sweet little boy inside me, the sweet little boy on Earth with me, my husband, my family or my friends, I am not alone and I can pull through whatever God gives to me. Well I think I can. I just hope he can wait a bit longer because I'm not ready to test myself just yet.
MJ thank you for being there for me. I can't wait to see you this afternoon!
Some days I truly forget I'm pregnant. I mean I'm growing but not as big as some women (the belly that is) and the sickness has decreased from daily to 2-3 times a week. I don't feel MJ moving a lot, I feel small taps but they are so low down I am not sure if it really is him. I also think I am in denial. I can't wait to meet MJ but I have such a long time to go that I fear something will take him away from me. Pathetic, I know.
Thursday I was at my bi-annual eye appt...pressure check, nerve check and visual field test. Well as the doc was telling me I had some nerve damage in my right eye I got a bit freaked, but then I felt those ever so small taps within my tummy. It was like MJ was telling me, "Mama, it's okay you are not alone, I'm here with you. It will be okay.". I was then able to hear the doctor say, "there is no need for alarm right now, we will just continue to monitor this". My sweet boy helped me feel safe and calm.
Sunday night I had to take my dad to the ER for chest pains. I was praying it was his gal bladder but when they admitted him and told us that "his blood shows cardiac enzymes and the ekg is irregular, so he had a heart attack" I expected myself to fall apart. I didn't though. MJ was there, softly tapping away at my tummy. Once again, I knew I was not alone and my little boy would help me through this.
Later that night I took Jonathan to my bed and I held him. I told him we needed to pray for our friend Kristin's little babies in her tummy, we wanted them strong and healthy for her. We also asked God to watch over Papa K and protect his heart. We need him to be heathy so he can meet MJ too! We also asked God to watch over Papa F because he has an aortic anureysm that has grown and more than likely need surgery. As we finished our prayers and JD snuggled into me, I felt the little tap tap tap but on the left side, not the right side. MJ wanted to be close to his brother as well. The 3 of us lay snuggled together and peaceful.
I realized that I can't control so many things, but it's okay because I am NOT alone! Rather it be that sweet little boy inside me, the sweet little boy on Earth with me, my husband, my family or my friends, I am not alone and I can pull through whatever God gives to me. Well I think I can. I just hope he can wait a bit longer because I'm not ready to test myself just yet.
MJ thank you for being there for me. I can't wait to see you this afternoon!
posted by Momma Jen at 6:25 AM
2 Comments:
What a sweet post brought tears to my eyes.
Sending out prayers and positive thoughts for you family.
Just wait until you hold MJ in your arms while you read JD a book. Or see the love the two of them share for each other. Truly an amazing blessing.
Jen
I agree, that was a very touching post. My prayers are also with you.
Post a Comment
<< Home