April 12th

April 12th was my Grandma R's birthday. It was funny b/c Gma and I never said we loved each other. In fact, I see a lot of her in me (and my mother). Gma always wore her long silver hair in a bun and wore a crabby look on her face..of all things to inherit! LOL Gma would talk in a yelling voice but deny yelling...Um hello! Mom and I both do that! :-) In fact I use to fear her a bit when I was young. We'd stay weeks w/her in the summer but bit of me feared her...especially when she yelled at Victor or Niki on Young and the Restless! Deep down I knew Gma loved me as I loved her. I cherish the days I stayed with her, staring at the walls full of pictures and walking to the graveyard for fun (small town fun, huh?).

You would never want to cross gma...my cousin did once and I think it was the last time. Gma got mad at him for throwing fire crackers in the fort that us girls had built. She told him to go get a switch off the tree for his spanking. LOL Gma had some spunk in her and I loved it!

In her last days of fighting her lymphoma, I got closer to grandma. It was a hard month but I drove the 45 minutes 3 or 4 times a week to hold her hand and tell her I loved her. I fed her and sat with her. Oh Grandma, I miss you and I thank you for everything you passed on to me. You loved the babies and I know that is why on April 12, 2004 (your birthday) I got a BFP. I knew deep down that you had played a part in this. You knew I was ready to be a mom. How I long that JD could have met you. I will not let you be forgotten gma. I have pictures and memories and I will make sure you are kept alive.

I love you grandma. Happy Birthday!!!